You Big Fatty

Heath and lifestyle blog for people who struggle with KFC, cigarettes and booze

Month: May, 2014

Vegan Emergency


In an attempt to reclaim my life after a 2 week binge of drinking and emotional eating I decided to go on a vegan detox. Things were going well until I made a vegan chocolate cake. The cake would have been good without the cayenne pepper. But that was nothing compared to the following 12 hours.

After walking up the stairs and going to the bathroom, something that vegans do a lot I have come to realise, I had sharp stabbing pains in my chest. This was coupled with a daylong headache that was invisible to pain killers. I was feeling a light headed and clammy. I knew something wasn’t right. I said to my lover I think there is something wrong. I decided to go to hospital. This weird hotel was inexpensive and in a great location. The room service was attentive and at times painful. The other occupants where colourful and the security guards where hot. They did regular checks on my heart beat and took out blood.

In the end I am still not sure what the deal is but I did realise that the excessive lifestyle has caught up to me. So now I am 5kg lighter and I am thinking skinny. I have joined the dieting cult where we eat small portions of everything and stay slightly hungry all the time. So watch this space. I highly recommend going on a vegan week because it cleans out your tum tums, as far as going vegan you will have to manage difficult diet, people’s pointless opinions, dinner party disasters. Start just eat less meat and a wider range of plant based foods and go from there

I’m not going to drink for a while and keep the diet clean. There was a point during that fateful night where I actually realised that people die from big macs. Thin people can be fat on the insides and the only reason why you are fat is because you aren’t doing anything about it.

Interesting fact – white Europeans are better at being overweight than people from developing countries, says doctor young dude. White fatties can withstand higher BMI’s.





Falling off the wagon. Its was a solid 10 days of drinking. Luckily I didn’t smoked a cigarette. Unfortunately the stranglehold of my Nicorette Quickmist had taken over. When I ran out I started sucking the nozzle like a junky sucking the veins of his companion who had overdosed. Desperate for a rush… something real… familiar. I had become a slave for nicotine and alcohol. I haven’t been to the gym in two weeks and have an empty bank account due to the excessive lifestyle derived from the immediate desires of a drunkard. There is no point googling ‘save money hungover’. Buying up bacon the night before is never on the mind of the impulsive. To make matters worse or better, taking prescription anxiety drugs to take the edge off before going for a smooth walk to the art gallery did not helped the start of my week back at work (which was over a week or so ago). Time fly’s. This makes me wonder about functioning alcoholics. They manage to hold down stressful jobs, beat the kids and damage parked cars while grocery shopping. What makes me ‘different’. Its 10 days in and I just seems to find things in the office to stuff in my nostrils to get cheap laughs.


Sorry about the delays my dedicated readers. It’s been wild.