by cranberrystirling


Crossfit nerd

Its Tuesday, there is a bad mood rising and I just had a coffee and nicotine spray and I’m headed to the ladies room to smash one out. Ttyl. Back now. I need more baby wipes. Wink….

So last night I attended a crossfit class. Walking into the warehouse I was greeted by a dog. He was adorable. I knew we would hit it off. A class at the time was pumping it out. I was asked to come in early and fill out the appropriate forms to avoid serious litigation. Looking around I thought to myself, where do I sit without looking like a pervert. I hung out on a box that I can only assume was for jumping on and off. As a spectator I was witness to one after the other of what I am calling, hipster gladiators and aggressive ladies finished their timed workouts. The people where nice. One chubby guy who had been doing it for a year asked me if it was my first time, I looked down bit my lip, twirled my hair and replied “yes”. Then a girl with amazing boobs lay across a bench press with her legs up on the bar started talking to me. Luckily I am immune to boobs, she was very confident even though her moustache required immediate attention. She then banged on about how she has never gone to a gym and only does crossfit, I was all like ok cool. And for the ladies out there I tell you what, cross fit is going to make you look fit and healthy. Apart from the fatties the ladies where fit and healthy looking. Ends up the fatties where fitter than me.

The class ended with a bunch of high fives and people laying on the grown. It was my turn. I was put in the beginner corner with another dude who was half my size. I knew now I had to give my all. My ego was large than my ability in this instance, the small guy won. He seemed to pick up the body jive a little quicker than me, this was not going to stop me from failing terribly. We went through some standard Olympic lifting manoeuvres which has a rhythm that comes from the hips. The trainers where great, the best way to describe them would be; Hipster Gladiators with high energy, rather than apathy like most hipsters.  

 After comprehensive training and realising how uncoordinated my heaving drinking, smoking and laziness had left me we then moved onto a timed routine. there was a short countdown and then intensity while the stop watch calmly clicked away at the minutes and second. We started off skipping. Off I went – “two all-beef patties special sauce lettuce cheese pickles onions on a sesame seed bun”, thankfully the Hipster Spartans found this amusing. I cannot remember the last time that my body has required that much oxygen at once. I can honestly say that I could not have pushed myself that much in a gym on my own, nor would I have had the space to freely move.

 So the verdict for my new fitness goals – I can definitely see myself achieve the goal of getting fitter and any place with a dog is cool with me. For $30 more a week, or two packs of cigarettes, I can see the value.

 Weighing in at 110kg this week I think I am going to try and keep it up if I get the movement back in my lower back and legs.

 This blog is kinda boring. No wonder people dislike crossfitters. The idea of talking about this subject in extended enthusiasm must be a drain on polite conversation.