Sexual Therapist

by cranberrystirling


Today didn’t start very well. I began my day rushing out the door after shaving my neck beard only to step in a small dog poop. See below. Rushing to my physiotherapist I was stuck in traffic. After making a break for it I witnessed an accident between a small car and a motorbike, everyone was ok but the bystanders heart missed a skipped a beat. Quickly my dog turd incident was forgotten and my appointment was nearing its deadline. I made it 4 minutes late and entered the room of hotness and back cracking.


I have recently discovered I have a very mild back condition called Scheuermann’s disease which means I have a stiff back and rib cage. I feel this title really exaggerates what is going on. I call it stiffness. I now have to work on my flexibility which is according to the man, ‘you’re on top of the bell curve of flexible, you being not flexible’. I’m ok with this. The older I get the more I have come to realise that health professionals don’t really have the answers or treatments, instead they just have a great sales pitch. This gentleman massaged my back in all kinds of ways as though I was a slab of meat, cracked my neck like a bond movie extra then patted me on the ass and said I was in good nick. I left feeling somewhat relaxed and left wondering…


My physiotherapist was chiselled by the hand of a homosexual man during the renaissance who has just returned from a trip in Africa. The physio revealed he was 45, this guy looked like a 22 year old American football player. I was astonished so I asked, ‘’what’s your secret’’ – this guy’s body is out of control, there wasn’t a wrinkle on his face – he replied, “I just eat the right thing and look after myself”. I personally think it has something to do with his cotton picking heritage, they out there in the sun working hard, being oiled for show and only short time ago having to survive against harrowing odds. Whereas the white generations have been stuffing pies into their faces and sitting down for way too long. Mmm? I don’t know how cool it is referring to my physios heritage by comparing the atrocities of slavery to try and justify the foundations of building a better genome. I’m going to run with it for now because he was an Adonis who charge $78 for 20 minutes, the past is over and the future is looking good for this guy.


Does a great six pack need to have some kind of fear and/or torture associated for great results? I know the window washing junkies have dynamite six packs. They weave between traffic, run from police and put their bodies through punishing injections of drugs. Look at any non-food related addiction. Most of these people have killer six packs, gym junkies, super models, street sweepers ect. What is it going to take? I have had to stop wearing a belt in the office because of my heavy load do I need to kidnapped for results? Or even swap my sandwiches for crack-cocaine? Oh why are you so cruel Jesus? You had a wash board stomach but even you must have had your vices and stress to keep your rags looking great.