Why McDonald’s is going out of business

by cranberrystirling


Today I discovered that Brandon Park Shopping Centre McDonald’s is shutting down. This tough news was delivered with a large Big Mac meal with extra Mac sauce and a Coke, the milkshake machine was out of order today,  much like the staff that worked on the other side of the counter. I asked the girl behind the counter, “what next? Are you going to work at Suki Sushi next door?”, her awkward piggy tail face said, she and her fellow colleagues had the choice to be relocated but didn’t disclose her future plans, I forget that to her I could possibly be a potential sex predator with a thirst for special sauce.  Failing to extract details of Miss Pig Tail’s career plans I probed into how could this food outlet could possibly be closing down, in a nation of growing fatties how could this happen? apparently there wasn’t enough customers to make it a success. Broken hearted I ate my lunch finished up with a selfie to mark this milestone and followed up with a phone call to the shop to ask if I could buy the remainder of the Mac Sauce. They said no.


Who was the cold blooded murder of this franchise? Was it poor management? What is the overheads of the McDonald’s institution itself tearing down the walls like a big mac without mac sauce?


I briefly investigated what it takes to become a franchisee but Catriona Noble (below left) the Franchise Managing Director’s tight fisted photograph turned me off. Surely someone who truly enjoys McDonald’s can’t be thin and moderately attractive, unlike Frank Meduri who has devoted 20 years over 4 Franchises. Maybe I could be a franchisee, further investigation on this matter became boring and very expensive and yet the dream of one day being aroused, naked and covered in Mac Sauce kept me going. According to the table it is only going to cost me around $2.3 million to fulfil this dream, that’s Tokyo billionaire business man sexual hedonism. Say that three times to guy sitting next to you and you may get lucky.

Will I rebuild? I’m not sure. Is this a good thing? Probably… but where am I going to go when I hate myself? The guy from Eastern Chinese Cuisine didn’t wash his hands after using the bathroom, but do I need that kind of abuse? Today I had to stop using my regular business belt and upsize, then I had to change my shirt before morning tea because it didn’t fit anymore. I now have 5 more notches on my belt and I want to get value for money. Is this obsession gone too far? I am taking a month of lifting weights to re-centre my vagina by doing yoga as much as possible, should I focus on more rapid movements and smaller meal quantities? I have been a day without cigarettes, I’m already overwhelmed. During a natural disaster first they take away the danger then look for a solution to piece together the devastated area.

Update, tonight’s new yoga class the 70 year old lady was cleaning out the classes genitals and referred to everyone’s ovaries and my testes. 1 to 10 ratio awkward.